2004-02-17 - 10:53 a.m.
Maybe you dont understand me like you say you do. You are just like the rest of these people that call themselves my "friends". ALWAYS LOOKING for something. I dont know why you cant just shut up when i talk to you and try and understand how I hate when you use my name on your diaryland. You have nothing good to say, then just say nothing at all. I hate how you look at me sometimes and every says you like me, cant you tell i DONT want it? I just want a friend like you used to be. I hate how you came up to me acting ok but really you dont like me. Do me a favor and either decide what you want from me or just grow up already. Maybe i am fine, maybe i dont need you to save me anymore, maybe i have gained weight and my scars are fading. But i know how it feels to be you, dont forget that. You seem to think i have turned on you, but what happened to the friendship we used to have where we actually talked and hung out and i could tell you i cared about you without having to worry about you thinking something else. I wish you were A-sexual or homosexual you would make this so much easier.
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Now on a different level. You know how hard it is to see those scars fade? It is horrible there is a razor downstairs but i cant. Because my love wont love me anymore if he sees cuts on my arms they wont understand that i am having a bad time and i just want to SLICE. I have been feeling alone. There are fights and no one to break them up so i am left in inner turmoil. I feel like getting in the shower and washing my hair and i hope he comes over and tells me he loves me without even looking at my body because i have gained weight i can feel it in my stomach and it is horrible. I am over whelmed with my appearance right now. Oh well, whatever my boyfriend is mad at me my friend is mad at me my fucking dog is mad at me. Now what is there to do? Take a long hot shower.
Lindsey
