September 28,2004 - 3:31 p.m.
Yeah, i guess maybe things are weird. Have not talked to him in a long time. Almost forgot how pretty his eyes are, i locked him in a drawer but sometimes i can hear him at night. A while ago i frantically pealed his name off my ceiling with my swiss army knife. I started talking to another blonde blue eyed boy and he left me too, now he is at UC davis but he says he will come back to see me on the weekends. I kinda wish he wouldnt. He doesnt know when he is gone i pin boys to the couch and let them put their hands up my shirt. I told him i am not the kinda girl you settle down with... because I dont want to. He asked me about the long term boy and i told him honestly i still loved him.. but that sometimes things just dont work out the way you want them too. The bad thing is when i am being touched by boys and i can hear their heartbeats and heavy breathing i pretend it is him. But when i open my eyes i feel disgusting, and when they tell me i am beautiful i kick them out. After all, now im in control of something.
