2004-11-13 - 12:21 p.m.
Shit. Yeah that's how we do it. Fuck. Oh well everything is going *insert your own word here* I dont know how i feel anymore i think im lost again i think im drowning in my own life.. but fuck this shit. I dont feel beautiful anymore i think that part of me died. I feel self conscious dead inside and horny as hell. he asked for me to come visit him at barnes and nobel right now i REFUSE to see blonde blue eyed heartbreakers with perfect smiles. I dont want to break anymore I am scared of being broken... please dont break me. I am freaked out my heart skipped a beat last night everything seemed perfect and the ex sent me a message this morning "You were a busy girl last night, he must be cute..." it brought me to tears why do i feel guilty shit it has been OVER for two months. Fuck shit bastard bitch fuck fuck fuck FUCK!! I remember when he called me "damaged goods" broke my heart shattered it actaully. I have been working out alot i wanna lose weight my stomach looks nice now i dont eat much it is ok right? i am getting into game condition and running away from all this shit and all these things i need to do. Just remember never to run to fast you will fuckin trip and fall on your face.. yeah. I think i will remember this for a while : "Lindsey you go through boys like you do chapstick!". At first i laughed.. then i gave up. Oh well. Maybe that is how it is when you are fucking scared of everything in your life and you have seemed to have lost yourself in a dream. Maybe the way im acting is stupid maybe i dont know what i want maybe i wish i could run away from this life i am stuck in maybe i wish that i could just disappear. I wish things didnt matter this much i wish i didnt want someone to care about me because well i dont think i will ever find it. So maybe i am a hopeless romantic.. but is kinda hard to be one alone. Fuck this. Im out.
