11-24-04 - 10:48 p.m.
I swear to god my heart is beating somewhere in this hollow chest of mine. Hmmmm yes. Things get strange and complicated when phone calls stop coming and you give up. That voice was starting to get comfortable atleast someone broke this thing down before someone was broken. Well, i cant tell you that im not a little bit broken because i am. Oh well... things will change i know. I know. But i dont wanna know. Some days i wonder what is wrong with me and then i go to the gym and run 3 miles and goto the locker room.. stand infront of the full-length mirror and look at myself. "Yeah.. that's it.." i say to myself and walk back out and then do crunches for a half an hour. Perhaps i will never be what someone wants.... perhaps im just not as special as they say i am. Yeah, i feel rejected.. funny huh? I attempted to socialize today yet failed miserably.. well not really. I just needed some attention i guess and that i got but i dont know i think i need to lose some weight then someone will want me. Yeah.. i have lost it. I wish i was out right now i dont care with who i just want out of this place. Maybe i should just go to sleep so that i can wake up and then go to the gym and try to work off the pre-thanksgiving pounds. Sometimes i wish i could just be with brian again and have someone to hold me close and make me feel whole.. but then i think again.. and slap myself across the face.
Yeah, i have fallen.. and yes im getting back up.
Lindsey
