October 10,2004 - 11:06 p.m.
All i can taste is champagne
Another day down the drain
Sleeping around and round
We cant make up without your help
It's over now
You want it
You need it
You cant explain
You fight it
You feed it
You can and I can live without you
Oh moving on without you oh
Love is like novacaine
And it leaves a little stain
The beauty in all this pain is
I cant get away from you
So pull me down
And dont make a sound
All I can taste is champagne
Dancing away down my veins
Spinning around and round
I cant get up without you help
Im on the ground
Somebody help me
Im losing everything when im without you
Ohh doing it without you ohh
All i can taste is champagne
Another day down the drain
All i can taste is champagne
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So maybe last night i disappeared maybe last night i lied and went to a house and talked to a boy and laughed and looked at magazines until 2am. I told her i was here she couldnt find me 23 missed calls she called brian and cried on his answering machine. I talked to her she wasnt mad. i dont know who i am anymore i am so out of character this is kinda weird i never do things like this i dont get in a car and drive to a house and knock on the door and sit on the floor and look at pictures on a camera phone and talk to parents and meet sisters. this morning at 2:30 he said his mom said i was really pretty and i was kinda shocked my hair smells burnt and i know how to wear my make up because i know what i want (no i dont) i think i am just as lost as everyone else. Brian texted me "goodbye" this morning and wont explain i am afraid he is gone forever maybe i am afraid he wont come back am i not pretty enough? i am losing weight i swear i bought new make up i cover up my imperfections i do my hair everyday i wear the purfume you like yeah perhaps im confused too.. maybe more than you. i just need an explanation i just need a little talking too. Well i told him last night he had nice hair he does but he is blonde and blue eyed too and i am just.. well me. He is better than me and he knows it he has a perfect 6-pack and he knows i need to lose weight, he says i am hot but i dont believe anything he says. It feels weird to be in this place it feels wrong to do this but in a way it feels good because last night i was waiting for him to get pissed i was scared he might end up thinking i was a freak but today he texted me and told me he is coming back for sure next weekend to take me out. He didnt ask for my history so i didnt tell him i didnt ask for him and i dont want it i am a different person when i am with him.. for once someone doesnt know about brian... doesnt think of me as lindsey and brian. Well maybe this is wrong but i guess right now nothing is quite right.
Lindsey
