2004-08-23 - 11:14 a.m.
Fuck, my insides hurt, i am lonely. As soon as i woke up this morning i was sad... on the verge of tears... i havent cried yet... i dont want to. I am going to Leonard's house to work on hw. I cant believe school starts in 2 days. I cant believe that brian and i are not together.... this hurt more than i thought it would. I am just not sure if this was the right thing for me, but i know it was the right thing for brian because he loves me like a friend..... not like a gf.... I just want him to be happy... but i dont know.. I just want to be happy too. I guess that i will be happy again soon, maybe not soon but someday things will get better and i will cry less and it will hurt less.. but for now it is painful. I guess i just wonder if he misses me.... because i am afraid to let him know i miss him.... because i dont want him to feel bad for me. I just wonder sometimes if he has second thoughts... if he misses having me there to hold and love... but i just dont want to ask. I am afraid he really doesnt miss me. I guess what i have now to live on are memories.. i kinda wish i had that box of stuff i gave him.... but maybe he can use it now... it always made me feel a bit better... I guess it is time to get on with today.
Lindsey
