11-20-04 - 8:01 p.m.
Yeah ate way too much shouldnt have done that close your eyes cross them out then it comes no bloody nose today i need someone to talk to. maybe someday it will make a difference my stomach is still bloated it was flat this morning. I dunno it is fat i should have worked out today i will go tomorrow for a long time my nose is running and yeah i wont say anymore because i dont want to. I love me sometimes i hate me sometimes right now im sick of myself and falling back down into bad habits i wish i was prettier. Oh well things just dont happen that way genetics i guess this struggle is pretty funny because it just never changes im less stressed now i just needed to get all this out i just needed to go away oh well. No one is home and im alone my eye make up is running and my hair is tied up all messy and ugly. My stomach is making funny noises and i dont know what to do. Things just happen this way i guess i need to talk to my therapist things are falling down on top of me. The funny thing is no one sees it my dad is pissed at me he wont even look at me almost laughable huh? I guess i am as worthless as i feel... all i do is let people down. Atleast i am good at something i dont know i just cant control anything anymore i just cant do it anymore i wish people would just let me go. Then they wonder why things i do are wrong because i cant stand being looked at like a failure i hate this i wanna get away i cant wait until next school year. Fuck. I have dark circles under my eyes but i have been getting plenty of sleep... i just have been too stressed out for my own good. maybe im just sick and tired of bootycalls and broken hearts and feeling like a slut i wish this would just stop already but i think it has just begun.
Lindsey
