September 14,2003 - 7:38 p.m.
I got myself into this mess.. so you know, i will deal with it. Maybe i am shutting down, they see me reverting back to old habbits. Locking myself in my room at 7:30, having no energy from lack of food. No appetite. I am worried you wont listen anymore, i dont want you to worry about me. But right now i am sorry, i cant tell you. but i will if that is what you need of me. Yes, i started cutting again, i am crying . They can see it in my eyes that i am so broken and i am sad. I dont know what to say to you i didnt want to say anything to you. I am eating close to nothing working out alot and slicing my skin open. I cant do anything, i have lost control. Crying again feels like home. I guess this is what you do when you dont know what else to do. I really am nothing why wont you listen i am nothing i am nothing i dont care how much you tell me i am special i am nothing. i am not pretty i am not smart i am not sweet i am not anything. i AM NOTHING. I just wish someone would answer me i want someone to say something.. but you know that never happens when you are here by yourself. This reminds me of 8 months ago being in emotional pain to the point that you are on the verge of tears every fucking minute. I am running away from something i dont want..i am afraid to see you because you know who i am and i cant hide this from you This is the ending line. I hope you like it.
How many days in a year she woke up with hope, but she only found tears and I can be so insincere makin the promises never for real as long as she stands there waitin wearin the holes in the souls of her shoes how many days disappear you look in the mirror so how do you choose your clothes never wear as well the next day and your hair never falls in quite the same way you never seem to run out of things to say...This is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world n while she looks so sad in photographs,i absolutly love herwhen she smilesHow many lovers would stayjust-ta put up with THIS shit day after dayhow did we wind up this waywatchin the mouths for the words that we sayas long as we stand here waitinwearin the clothes of the souls of our choosehow do we get there todaywhen we're walkin to far for the price of our shoesyour clothes never wear as well the next dayand your hair never falls in quite the same wayyou never seem to run out of things to say...
