2004-09-04 - 2:55 p.m.
Believe me franco i know how it feels. Well you know, I miss my best friend.. but i know things are better this way.
for him, for me, for us. I am sure he still loves me and i love him too, but right now is not the time for us to be together.
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I spent all morning making cookies, it was ok i guess. I really want to get out of the house,yet still i havent really found a place to go. A place that i would want to go. A place where i would trust the people. I talk to him sometimes, i know he wants to get me drunk because he knows i have good judgement but that i am lonely. So i am trying to make up a reason not to go to the party tonight, but i already told my friends i would go and hang out with them. I dont trust him anymore, i used to like last year but now that this has happened i know he doesnt care about my feelings but that he wants something else from me. I dont like that. I am going to stay away. I want someone that truly cares about me, like brian does. That wont hurt me and try to take advantage of me. I think i am afraid of guys now... not because of the things brian and i went through.. but because i know that the guys that are interested in me now are just interested because of my body... makes me sad... It kinda feels like for a while that is the only kinda interest i am going to get... is guys not wanting me... but wanting my body. I just want them to stay away. I just really wish for something better.
