October 2, 2004 - 8:21 p.m.
Yeah, you know me im fucking stupid. Somehow today i let my gaurd down i went to his house and sat at the table with his family. we went up stairs talked and laughed he would quietly say that he missed me i should have known to hide. We hugged for a long time he told me he missed me. He misses me behind closed doors.... i know he doesnt know what he wants. I feel like he comes to be once to make sure he can live without me and then he goes back away. I cried on his lap about my family issues and he held me close before we went to the movies. He pulled me close and kissed me hard and grabbed my waist and made me feel something i have not felt in a while. Maybe i am scared by the fact that you told me things might get better..... maybe i am horrified that you just told me we might get back together i dont want to get my hopes up i dont want to get my hopes up. I want to go sit in the court yard and think about what this is i have done. I still feel in love, and it hurts.....
