September 22,2004 - 11:00 p.m.
Yeah, maybe i am dead inside because i dont have the only thing i want. Perhaps they think im getting better, leaning on boys and wrapping arms around waists... im just propping myself up. Working out and coaching going to school and doing homework being in inner turmoil. im burying myself alive. They wonder why i say no so much why i dont want to go why im not going because i dont want anyone but... yeah im not going to say it. All i want is to have him back but i know he cant give me what i need. Chris is mad at me... because i went to the gym today instead of staying for 6th period, and when i was leaving i stopped to talk with the boys at the front desk.. and after i left i sent him a text message tellin him they were hella fine. I dont know he tells me we are friends and then i cant talk like that he gets mad because i dont like him i dont like them either i just wanna go out on a date with a pretty boy that i can say no to and cry about the blond blue eyed boy that doesnt want me. Tania and Franco got back together i cant help but cry when i think about that because i wanna be happy too.. Fuck it.. im out'
Lindsey
